RED Training Day
by Easylistenin
Summary: The RED Soldier has been assined to train this years recruits. If he can keep his sanity and refrain from reliving a previous accident. Things might be okay...right?
1. Whenever Animals Are In One Place

**_Note: _**Yes I know this is short but It's my first story I've actually written and I'm proud of what I thought of. This is the first of many awesome chapters. Plz R&R

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_**RED Training Day**_

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**_Chapter One_**

**_Whenever Animals Are In One Place..._**

The RED Soldier was probably the meanest, toughest, and scariest man anywhere. He stuck to his rules and only his rules. If someone ever stepped out of line, he'd give em a rocket filled picnic. Today the Soldier has a special assignment, one he hated with a burning desire.

_Training Day. _The Soldier thought. Once a year the Soldier had to drive miles away from the base to pick up the new recruits and bring them to the training camp. But that wasn't the bad part. This year he had been chosen to train the recruits. The Soldier growled at himself in the mirror, put on his uniform, brushed his teeth, and decided to call his mom for the first time since he moved out.

"Hello? Maurice is that you? Why haven't you called? Where are you?" His mother said in that scratchy old voice of her's. Now he remembered why he never called, too many questions.

"Yea it's me mom. I have been a little...busy lately and haven't had the opportunity to call."

"Maurice are you lying to me? Cause you used to always make up stories about how you did this and did that. You just don't love your mother anymore, that's it! I knew I should never trust someone who won't give you grandchildren! Why I should-" The Soldier hung up the phone, trying to get rid of his headache at the same time.

_Note to self, _The Soldier thought. _Never call mother again unless you are carrying twelve bottles of pain pills and aspirin. _

After he was finished in his apartment he locked up, punted the neighbor's annoying cat into a garbage can, and rocket jumped across the parking lot to his truck. He barreled down the road, paying no attention to the speed limit. He passed the RED building and tried his best not to turn into the parking lot. Normally he would, but not today. He thought about last years meeting with the Administrator. He was called to hr office because he drop kicked a Scout recruit out of the bus and over a cliff.

"Normally I would laugh at such a situation but not this time." She said with a serious tone. "I believe that you owe this young man an apology." Pointing to the young Scout in a full body cast.

Was she being serious? The Soldier was surprised. The Administrator never cared about the well being of other team members. He would have loved to tell both her and the young boy to go eat a maggot sandwich.

He let out a frustrated groan. "Uh...I'm sorry..." The Soldier said. He was halfway out the door when he turned back around and looked the Scout dead in the eye. "Sorry you can't take a kick to the chest." The Soldier sprinted out of the building. He swore he saw the Administrator giggling.

This time, he knew better. If he did something like that again he'd face real consequences this time.

Probably more terrifying than apologizing to someone. He shuddered.

_What could be worse than that?_ He wondered.


	2. It's Called a Zoo

_**NOTE: **_Once again, this is short. I know. Don't Worry they will get much longer. Rate and Review please.

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_**RED Training Day**_

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**_Chapter Two_**

**_It's Called a Zoo!_**

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****

The Soldier drove down an old dirt rode. The countryside was littered with farms, horses, crops, and worst of all...freaking cows. He _**despised**_ cows. He always had ever since he had that nightmare. He dreamed he was wandering around the RED fort alone. He turned around every corner looking for his team. When he finally gave up he turned back around and he saw it, right there blocking his path was a cardboard cow. The Soldier turned to go the other way. When he looked down the hall he saw the same cow. The conflict went on for what seemed an eternity before he woke up, dripping with sweat. The memory has haunted him since.

After driving thirty-eight miles through cow infested countrysides, the Soldier reached his destination. He looked up at the sign hanging over the entryway.

_**TEAM FORTRESS INDUSTRIES**_

_**RELIABLE EXCAVATION DEMOLITION**_

_**RECRUITMENT CENTER**_

Just below the was a nailed on banner that read,

_**Welcome This Years RED Recruits!**_

The Soldier groaned at all this over-dramatic welcome fest. He pulled into the main parking area, next to the bus. The moment he stepped out of his truck he saw them.

The recruits...

He looked over the crowd, and he wished he had called in sick.

A momma's boy Scout was receiving millions of goodbye hugs and kisses from his mother. A young looking Engineer who seemed to be very confused about how a turret works. A pair of twin Snipers who couldn't tell which end of the sniper was which. A Medic who threw up at the sight of the Scout's bleeding paper cut. And lastly, a buff, tough looking man was standing at ease. The Soldier was almost happy to be training a fellow Soldier.

Almost.

He _would _have been happy if the recruit wasn't wearing a, _**Make Love Not War**_, shirt.

"You have got to be kidding me." He mumbled to himself. "These are all a bunch of sissy maggots!" The Soldier sighed a picked up a clipboard.

He looked over the recruits names. "Alright let's see...Jacob McBonk?" The Soldier scanned the crowd.

"That's me sir!" The young Scout said. The Soldier watched the pathetic boy try to pick up and carry his bags to the bus. When he got there he dropped his bags and collapsed to the ground, trying to catch his breath.

"Oh god..." The Soldier groaned. "Let's see, next is...Nate and Bate Reddot?"

The twin Snipers raced over to him and spoke in unison. "At your service sir! We are ready to fight for RED!"

"Oh I bet." The Soldier said sarcastically. "Okay...Ulgo Uber?"

The Medic waved from the garbage can he was busy vomiting into.

"You better stop in the next three minutes or you are staying here!" The Soldier yelled to the Medic. "Next up...Blake Cogngear?"

The young Engineer sat up and walked over to the bus.

"Silent one huh? Good..." The Soldier mumbled. He looked at the last name on the list. He had enough maggots as it is. Did he really have to bring this one?

He sighed and read the name. "Harrison Peace?"

The hippie Soldier pranced over to the bus. "Hello there. I must say it is a beautiful day. A time of peace is among us."

Once he got everyone on the bus he hopped in the driver's seat and started the engine. He turned around and faced the group.

"Okay these are my rules. Don't talk, don't look at me in the eye, and if you can..." The Soldier lowered his voice. "Try not to breathe..." And with that he began the long drive to the training camp.


	3. Unless It's A Farm

_a/n: I finally finished this. School has prevented me from writing but I got it done. I will be taking a short break from this to relax and chill for a while. Anyways R&R and enjoy_

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**_RED TRAINING DAY_**

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**_Chapter 3:_**

**_Unless It's a Farm_**

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The drive on the bus was a nightmare. If driving through the cow filled country wasn't bad enough, the recruits were the most annoying people in the world. They sang songs, told jokes, and worst of all...asked the worst question known to man.

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

The Soldiers blood began to boil. He hands gripped the wheel tightly and tried to focus on the road.

_'The road...Think about the road, road, road, road...don't think about them...' _The Soldier thought over and over again. He tried not to think about them at all...

Or how easy it would be to punt them out the window.

The drive went on for what seemed like a century. After almost driving off a cliff, hitting thirty-five cows on the way, and listening to the non-stop bus ride songs, he pulled up to a large fortress. The whole exterior was built of rust-red colored metal, large towering radio towers, war propaganda signs, and many other RED product advertisements. The building was said to cover 30,000 square miles. The total height was roughly about three hundred and sixty-five stories. He pulled into the closest parking spot. After getting everybody's bags and the trainees off the bus, he walked up to the main entrance. He looked up at the large sign above the grand doorway.

_**TF INDUSTRIES**_

_**RELIABLE EXCAVATION DEMOLITION**_

_**COMMANDING INDUSTRIES TEAM ASSOCIATES DEFENSE EXPERTS LOCATION: 1**_

_**C.I.T.A.D.E.L: 1**_

Below that was a very tiny engraving that the Soldier was able to make out.

_**(YES IT'S A LONG NAME BUT IT'S OURS SO STFU)**_

He looked back down and turned back to the group, only...they weren't there.

He looked for them and realized that they had already walked into the main lobby. He hurried inside and caught up with them.

He was about to talk to them about them walking ahead but he was suddenly caught up in the room. All over the walls were posters of famous RED Team Members.

_'The RED Hall of Fame...' _The Soldier thought to himself. The RED Team Hall of Fame was where the best of the best were. He didn't care about anything but the Greatest Men Ever section.

Scotty O' Rly: The Demoman who destroyed a whole BLU Team with a single sticky bomb and a stomach full of liquor.

Pierre ?: The only Spy in existence who...actually no one knows what he did...All that is known is that screams were heard from a BLU base, followed by large cloud of smoke, and the building collapsing in a burst of flame. When the spy was seen walking out of the building he simply stated that he had "Dealt with the enemy."

But the biggest, most well designed poster on the wall was the one that the Soldier stared at for an eternity.

Howard "Maggot" McGee: The RED Soldier who bravely sacrificed himself to save the most valuable thing in the world...The Reliable Excavation Demolition Victorious Example Left Vividly Everywhere That Could Uphold Potentially Capable Advanced Knowledge Experience. Otherwise known as the RED V.E.L.V.E.T.C.U.P.C.A.K.E.

He stood there, amazed at the men that were honored for their heroic actions. One day, he would be up there, among the greats. His moment of daydreamed immortality was interrupted by the young Scout, who tapped him on the shoulder.

"Um, Sir? Don't you have to sign us in?"

The Soldier looked at him, confused. He quickly remembered that he had to assign the trainees dorms and get their names saved to the RED Database. "Oh...right...Outta my way then!"

"Yes Sir!" The Scout saluted and ran back to the group of misfits.

The Soldier walked over to the reception desk where a very old lady with rimmed glasses sat in a chair, typing on a keyboard.

"Hello I'm here to sign in these...trainees in." The Soldier tried his best not to say...a different word.

"How many?" The old, wheezy voice of the women asked.

"Six."

"Including you?" She asked.

"Uh...Wh...What?" The Soldier's voice was shaking and he was starting to sweat.

"Including you? As in all of the trainees plus you." She stated.

The Soldier was feeling a little dizzy right at this time.

"Didn't you know that all trainers must room with the trainees for about 3 months so they don't fall out of line?" She looked at him with her piercing gray eyes.

The Soldier didn't know how to respond. Everything got all fuzzy and he felt large beads of sweat trickle down his face. All sounds in the room got muffled before...

Blackness.


	4. What Happened to the Good Ol' Days?

**Note: HEY! I'm back haha. Well if you want to know what took so long read the chapter and my little note. Anyways I know this chapter has strayed from the comedy and has become more serious. But look at all that action! I can honestly say this story isn't all about fears of cows and punting young teens out windows. Don't worry the next few chapters will be all funny again. But I like the way this one went so I will make a few more in the future. Wow I like to talk. Enjoy!**

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_**Red Training Day**_

_**Chapter 4: What Happened to the good ol' Days?**_

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_"FALL BACK! FALL BACK!" The words echoed across the battlefield. Commander Frank Graham screamed to his troops to retreat. The BLU Team had outnumbered them. The Commander and his troops had walked straight into an ambush. Maurice stood in the middle of the chaos. The sound of countless explosions rang throughout the burning field. He stood, baffled by this defeat. They walked in proud, strong, and unsuspecting of their impending doom. They thought the had the upper hand, the element of surprise! But no. As the three hundred-something men walked onto that field, guns ready... the bombs flew. Hundreds, thousands of bombs soared in the air. As they landed all around the men, they noticed one similar feature that the bombs shared._

_The color blue._

_Before they could even take the whole thing in... KABOOM! In just five seconds, they lost half their men. More bombs came, only these were different. These were bigger. They never did hit the ground and they were not meant to. The exploded in mid-air, releasing a large shield of foul smelling smoke. They cough and they wheezed. But to no avail. They couldn't see what was heading for them. A whole army of Pyros. Maurice saw them first. He was lucky to be on the outermost part of the gas cloud. He gasped at the sight, and his eyes grew even bigger with fear. The gas had a horrible, disgusting, vile, yet familiar taste. He racked his brain to try and remember what is was. When he figured it out, the results didn't please him. It was an extremely flammable substance used mainly by RED constructing teams to clear out tunnels, so they are safe to build structures within. But even then is it used in small amounts. What surrounded them wasn't close to being small, and it was barely the same thing used by RED. This was modified to be twice as destructive. But the most terrifying thing... was the fact that the version used by RED was more of a jelly like substance. This was not jelly. This was gas. Imagine what would happen to the men in the center of the cloud when the Pyros ignited it. Maurice couldn't stand idle as the men he knew around him were vaporized by the enemy. He loaded his rockets, but that would ignite the gas when launched. He equipped his mighty shovel, but if that made a spark then it could ignite the gas. He could fistfight the Pyro army, but they would probably ignite him, and while he is screaming and running while on fire, that too will ignite the gas. He thought for a moment. They Pyros where almost done preparing. Then, it came to him. He dragged all the men closest to him out of the gas. Although they were still dizzy, they listened to the plan. They all got into position. Maurice pulled out what was only known as the Buff Banner. He pressed the trumpet to his lips, and blew with all his might. The extremely off-note song seemed to have it's effect on the Pyros. They took off their masks to insert earplugs. The Soldier couldn't believe it. The Pyros were actually... POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER! The other men took down the first few with lighting speed. Maurice had discovered that the inside of a Pyro's Gas Mask is very technical. Not only does it keep the fresh air in, but it also amplifies sound. How do you think they find a spy? They simply hear the frequency of the special watch that a spy always wears. _

_With that army currently preoccupied, he had extra time to find something to clear the smoke with. He searched through everything. But found nothing. His whole team had failed, and he had failed them by not saving them. His fell to his knees in defeat, and waited for the end. A rallying cry pierced the air. A very muffled Go. It actually sounded like "MJOH!" He looked up. RED Pyros, not as many as BLU but still a lot, marched to the scene. They aimed their flamethrowers at the cloud and released a simultaneous push of air. They continued until the gas had moved from them, to the BLU Pyros. This time they loaded up their gas..._

_And let the fireworks begin._

_Medics rushed out to collect the unconscious RED Soldiers from the field. As their backup came, so did BLU's. They fought for hours until Commander Frank Graham screamed those very words. They ran back to the trucks that were still salvageable. After four long hours of driving back to the base, they reached safety. As the Medics unloaded the injured onto a truck headed for the infirmary, the Soldiers got out and went off to eat and sleep. Maurice started to head off when a large hand grabbed his shoulder. He turned around to face Commander Graham, who wore a proud expression on his chiseled face. He looked at Maurice and said "Son if you hadn't devised that plan, then many men would have perished today. You were able to hold them off till we arrived. You are the savior of this battle. Even though we lost, we wouldn't have lasted as long as we did if you hadn't pulled through and saved the team. I am proud of you."_

_Maurice smiled and gave a big salute "Thank you Sir!" The Commander simply nodded._

"_Now, Private Maurice, I need you to do me one more favor," Maurice looked at the commander, awaiting orders. "I need you to wake up." The voice went on and on. _

"_Wake up. Wake up. Wake up," The voice began changing to that of the Scout recruit. "Hey, Sir wake up."_

The Soldier sat up. He was on a small, single person bed. He was sweating a lot. A quick look around told him he was in the infirmary. He rubbed his head and looked at the recruits standing next to him.

"Ugh. What happened?" He asked while trying to rid himself of his headache.

"You fainted"

"And hit the floor pretty hard" Chimed the the twin snipers.

"Yea there was a lot of..." The Medic gagged. "Blood."

"How long was I out?" The Soldier asked.

The group began counting with their fingers. Finally the Scout spoke.

"Bout three days... So you know what that means!"

Maurice knew what he meant, so he let him continue.

"TRAINING DAY!"

"Don't remind me..." Maurice grumbled.

He simply looked at the faces around him. So innocent and pathetic. So here he was. From savior of the day to trainer. He sighed and got out of bed.

_What happened to the good ol' days? _He thought to himself.

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**A/N: So sorry this took forever. Actually I forgot about this thing until I got an awesome review in my inbox today. Thank you all who continued to favorite and put this story on alert. You are keeping it alive. I have wrote this one chapter in about one or two hours so please provoke me to keep writing by spreading the word of this masterpiece (yes I know I am modest) so we can keep it going. I'll try to get next chapter started sooner.**


	5. CONTEST

Ok so here's the deal. If you you like my stories you should check out Dead Wedding if you already haven't. I am really trying to make it alot more popular. So I have had a great idea. I am doing good with gore chapters but I am terrible at romance. So I have a contest for YOU! Every week I will select one entry that will be posted as a chapter. Here are the rules:

NOTHING INNAPROPRIATE! Any sex, nudity, or anything else that is like that will not be accepted. (I'm talking to you Klaus Tritan) If you do submit this stuff to me I will immediately block you.

For this chapter it has to have these key elements. A news report about many patients (including Jaina's Aunt) arriving at Mercy Hospital. Jaina and her fiance must be spending time together at their apartment when the wedding planner arrives to discuss last minute changes. These changes have to include the location, and after party stuff. (PLEASE try to keep it to the video game).

The deadline is this Friday but dont stress over it. Have fun with it.

Ok guys I can't wait to read your entries and I will pick one the day of the deadline. Please send it to my author inbox. Well I'm gonna go play Halo: Reach.

Oh btw what kind of story would you like to see next? Halo? More L4d? More TF2? Maybe some Fallout? How about some Warcraft? Please tell me what game I should fanfic next! Laters!


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